Results are in and it is good news. The spot on my right side is not cancer! That means that right now this is confined to the left breast. There is a good chance I will still lose the right breast but the genetic studies will play a big part in that so we will wait to see. As for the left the news is a mixed bag. The area on the top that they biopsied is not cancer at all. But the area on the bottom is. The good news is it is DCIS. Ductal Carcinoma In Situ is cancer that has not spread beyond the ducts of the breast. It is very common (finally) and because it is non invasive- (wait for it) NO CHEMO!!! If they were going to try to save my breast I would need radiation but the area is huge and she says a mastectomy is the only option. I am sad but relieved but grateful but worried....
I am so grateful to escape without chemo, I think it would have been too hard on the kids to see. But there are still unknowns, will they take one or both, what will it be like, will I ever feel normal again. Before I got sick I used to think women should be grateful and a mastectomy was not a big deal (they can reconstruct). But I was wrong, it is overwhelming and very scary and hard. Besides being major surgery and no matter how many women you talk to who have had one, you just don't know what it will be like.
Ok, dates. I go next to a plastic surgeon who can discuss reconstruction and will give me an idea about how long this will take to complete and put behind me. They will call next week and make an appointment quickly. The genetic studies have a latest date for results of March 4. And then I meet with the surgeon again and set a date for surgery. Probably Mid March. I will be glad to get this out of me. How long recovery will take, it is too soon to say. We still need to make decisions that will affect that timeline.
I think I am lucky. (Gordon would say blessed and he is right) I found this very early and it has not become invasive yet. I have felt Heavenly Father's hand in this that it did not progress and we can still manage it and get rid of it. I am grateful that I am living where there are such good doctors, not just to diagnose but to care about me. She called late yesterday and I know she could have been home with her family but she stayed to make the call, it meant a lot. The support from so many friends and family is overwhelming and I can not say I am grateful enough. I hate that cancer is in my life again, I hate this monster, but this time I can beat it. Keep praying, we still have decisions and hard days ahead but today was a good day and I will take it.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
One in a Million - Again
Ok, so I get that I am rare but this is getting ridiculous! I asked the doctor how many people have to have both sides biopsied at the same time. She said less than 20%. Then she broke the news to me that the area of enhansment on the left side was large and they needed to do 2 biopsies on that side alone. So it was 3 biopsies today. Oh and when they did the MRI after they saw a hematoma on the left side and had to suck that out. Oh and they place small tags at each site of biopsy and the gun did not deploy the tag on the right side so after the procedure I had a mammogram to make sure the tags were in the right place there was no tag at all and they had to go back in under ultrasound and find the right spot and place another tag. Needless to say it was bad. She said that maybe once a year the tag doesn't deploy and so with all of it together it was pretty rare and I was pretty overwhelmed. I am having a lot of bleeding if I move at all but that is a good thing cause moving really hurts. I am praying tomorrow will be better. The only consolation of this is that it is done. Now we wait, I was told originally Friday for results but now I hear next week sometime. The waiting is hard. I just want this to be over but I know it is a marathon not a sprint so I need to be more patient. I have hard choices in front of me, reconstruction, surgery. I have been all over the place with it and I don't know what I should do but I have been asking good friends for advice.
This is were faith comes in. I know that when we finally sit down with the surgeon I will know what to do. I know that doors are opening and this is for a purpose. I know it sounds funny but today was hard but one of the doctors that worked on me was a fellow. That is a doctor that has his license but is training in a specialty. The spend a year or more studying for that field specifically. I realized on the way home that today he saw something he would not normally see and was guided by a seasoned doctor on handling it. Someday he will have another woman with this and he will know what to do and will be confident. That makes it worth it. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is mindful even if it hurts and I am overwhelmed, he is not. He has a plan and I just need to do my part. Please keep praying that I can handle my part and I will just keep holding on.
This is were faith comes in. I know that when we finally sit down with the surgeon I will know what to do. I know that doors are opening and this is for a purpose. I know it sounds funny but today was hard but one of the doctors that worked on me was a fellow. That is a doctor that has his license but is training in a specialty. The spend a year or more studying for that field specifically. I realized on the way home that today he saw something he would not normally see and was guided by a seasoned doctor on handling it. Someday he will have another woman with this and he will know what to do and will be confident. That makes it worth it. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is mindful even if it hurts and I am overwhelmed, he is not. He has a plan and I just need to do my part. Please keep praying that I can handle my part and I will just keep holding on.
Friday, February 5, 2016
Welcome to my Rollercoaster!
So we met the surgeon on Wednesday. Both Gordon and I felt good about her. She has been doing this for 25 years. She told us all the possibilities. If the tumor is aggressive all bets are off and chemo is on the table. If it is not then surgery and radiation will do the trick. But.... there are some problems. I have a family history that is not so good. My grandmother and my aunt both had breast cancer and 5 years later it metathesized into bone cancer and they passed. My uncle had the bone cancer and he died too. My father and his mother had pancreatic cancer. Surprisingly enough she said that the pancreatic cancer was in the same family as breast cancer. So basically I have this beast on both sides. She did the genetic test for the mutation but said that my chance for reoccurring could be as high as 65%. She said we need to consider full mastectomy. But no results on the biopsy mean we wait. Oh, and just to keep us busy she ordered and MRI of my breast too. (let me tell you - not fun)
Fast forward to today. She finally called. Great news, the tumor is nothing! Not aggressive, no receptors and looks like a non event. But (wait for it) the MRI was not so good. they found a large area of enhancement deep in my breast. She thinks it is DCIS - Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. Basically it is commonly found with Padgets and is unorganized cancer cells. They are not aggressive or quick to spread so the treatment is full mastectomy. No radiation or chemo needed after! Can you see the roller coaster going up?
Time to go down again. We have to be sure because this could still be an aggressive cancer so back to biopsy! This time in the MRI machine. Oh and did I mention the wrinkle? There is a small area of enhancement in the right breast too so they will biopsy both. I am a pin cushion. If I knew how to add emoticons here there would be a sad face here. Oh and they can't scheduled it till the 17th cause they only do them 1 day a week and that is the first opening. So now we wait again to know what this is and what to do. Meanwhile I wonder what it will feel like to lose both breasts and be a pear.
I am grateful for such good friends. I am constantly reminded I am not alone. I am grateful for the gospel that shows me where the roller coaster is going so I am not so afraid of the corners and hills. I am trying to teach my kids that you can do anything if you hold onto that.
The big picture is good. I caught this early and we just need to get all the info and make the right decision about surgery. Possibly be done after that. I just need to hold on till we get around the next corner and hill.
Fast forward to today. She finally called. Great news, the tumor is nothing! Not aggressive, no receptors and looks like a non event. But (wait for it) the MRI was not so good. they found a large area of enhancement deep in my breast. She thinks it is DCIS - Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. Basically it is commonly found with Padgets and is unorganized cancer cells. They are not aggressive or quick to spread so the treatment is full mastectomy. No radiation or chemo needed after! Can you see the roller coaster going up?
Time to go down again. We have to be sure because this could still be an aggressive cancer so back to biopsy! This time in the MRI machine. Oh and did I mention the wrinkle? There is a small area of enhancement in the right breast too so they will biopsy both. I am a pin cushion. If I knew how to add emoticons here there would be a sad face here. Oh and they can't scheduled it till the 17th cause they only do them 1 day a week and that is the first opening. So now we wait again to know what this is and what to do. Meanwhile I wonder what it will feel like to lose both breasts and be a pear.
I am grateful for such good friends. I am constantly reminded I am not alone. I am grateful for the gospel that shows me where the roller coaster is going so I am not so afraid of the corners and hills. I am trying to teach my kids that you can do anything if you hold onto that.
The big picture is good. I caught this early and we just need to get all the info and make the right decision about surgery. Possibly be done after that. I just need to hold on till we get around the next corner and hill.
Spinning like a top!
So I went for a diagnostic mammogram. After being so squished that I could not believe it, but could certainly feel it, the doctor told me that there was no tumor! Padget's is usually accompanied by a tumor so this is wonderful news. I posted this on facebook and decided no blog was needed, this was going to be easy to beat! But is was not to be.
A few days later I got a call from Huntsman. Even with a clear mammogram they wanted an ultrasound to be sure. SO I tripped off to the Huntman South Jordan location to get it done. Sadly I was out with Josh at the time. We walked into that center and he just lost it. It brought back so many memories from when he was sick that he couldn't eat and was totally on edge. He did not get any better when the ultrasound found a tumor. That meant an hour on the phone screaming at insurance and a biopsy that I was not prepared for. Several hours later we were on the way home and I realized that the first casualty of this was not my body or me at all but my children.
I wept to know that they are going through this with me. They have done cancer and don't need to do it again. Rachel is anxious and Miriam follows me around like I might disappear. She told me she had a dream where I was bald and then I died. I sat her down and told her she needs to pray. I told her that she needs to pray for peace and I told her that Heavenly Father cares about her. He cares for us all and takes care of us all. I told her to remember the blessing I had and to believe.
I don't mind having this beast. One in four woman get this and I am not special so it is just the way it is but I do mind hurting these little ones. I could not be blessed with better children and I am so sorry to put them back in this dark place. I pray for them, and Gordon. I will be fine.
As for the tumor? Who knows we wait for pathology and answers.
A few days later I got a call from Huntsman. Even with a clear mammogram they wanted an ultrasound to be sure. SO I tripped off to the Huntman South Jordan location to get it done. Sadly I was out with Josh at the time. We walked into that center and he just lost it. It brought back so many memories from when he was sick that he couldn't eat and was totally on edge. He did not get any better when the ultrasound found a tumor. That meant an hour on the phone screaming at insurance and a biopsy that I was not prepared for. Several hours later we were on the way home and I realized that the first casualty of this was not my body or me at all but my children.
I wept to know that they are going through this with me. They have done cancer and don't need to do it again. Rachel is anxious and Miriam follows me around like I might disappear. She told me she had a dream where I was bald and then I died. I sat her down and told her she needs to pray. I told her that she needs to pray for peace and I told her that Heavenly Father cares about her. He cares for us all and takes care of us all. I told her to remember the blessing I had and to believe.
I don't mind having this beast. One in four woman get this and I am not special so it is just the way it is but I do mind hurting these little ones. I could not be blessed with better children and I am so sorry to put them back in this dark place. I pray for them, and Gordon. I will be fine.
As for the tumor? Who knows we wait for pathology and answers.
In the Beginning
In the beginning there was a sore and the sore grew....
Around the beginning of December I found a small sore on my breast. I tried an antibiotic cream but it didn't heal. One morning I looked at it and thought, "I have Padget's". I went to my primary doctor but he wasn't there so I saw his partner. He said , no, but after looking at it "maybe". So off I went to a dermatologist. She said no way and treated me for infection. Several weeks later it was not better so she treated me for yeast. 2 and 1/2 weeks later she finally gave in a did a biopsy. 2 days later she called and said I have Padget's of the nipple. It is a rare breast cancer. Only 1 percent of all women with breast cancer will get Padget's. The good news is it is not aggressive so normally breast conserving surgery and radiation are treatment. Sounds simple right?
Nothing is ever simple for me!
I know that Heavenly Father is mindful, giving me inspiration so I could find this early is a gift. Letting me know tells me he is watching gives me peace, and the priesthood blessing I received from our wonderful bishop reminds me he is in charge and will not leave my family without me now.
Around the beginning of December I found a small sore on my breast. I tried an antibiotic cream but it didn't heal. One morning I looked at it and thought, "I have Padget's". I went to my primary doctor but he wasn't there so I saw his partner. He said , no, but after looking at it "maybe". So off I went to a dermatologist. She said no way and treated me for infection. Several weeks later it was not better so she treated me for yeast. 2 and 1/2 weeks later she finally gave in a did a biopsy. 2 days later she called and said I have Padget's of the nipple. It is a rare breast cancer. Only 1 percent of all women with breast cancer will get Padget's. The good news is it is not aggressive so normally breast conserving surgery and radiation are treatment. Sounds simple right?
Nothing is ever simple for me!
I know that Heavenly Father is mindful, giving me inspiration so I could find this early is a gift. Letting me know tells me he is watching gives me peace, and the priesthood blessing I received from our wonderful bishop reminds me he is in charge and will not leave my family without me now.
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